Pimp My State — Republicans will do anything for the dollar. Even if it means disappointing the Lord. Texas Lt Governor Dan Patrick made headlines two years ago in April 2020 for protesting pandemic lockdowns. Patrick claimed he would rather die from the coronavirus than see the economy destroyed. “I don’t care if America…

Has cancel culture gone too far? — One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. In the Land of Matrimony where the Shadows lie. The opening of The Fellowship Of The Rings underwent a woke revision. Cancel culture has attacked a cinematic…

Qur’anon News — Thanks to this outrageous headline, Fox News anchors are salivating at their long-awaited corner on the international anti-LGBTQ market. Rest assured, dear readers. We’re still normal. We support LGBTQ rights. We don’t believe in QAnon. Unlike MAGAmorons, we believe in the truth <bum dum tish>. We even reported something that…

These hoes ain’t loyal — The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Even if the enemy used to be my friend. And even if the friend used to be my enemy. Brandon [formerly Donald] Trump practiced this philosophy following the 2022 Midterm Elections. The GOP ditched Trump after his endorsed candidates lost to Democrats…

Moral compasses are overrated — The 2022–2023 NBA season is a little over a month in. Somehow, one team produced enough drama to create a 12-episode miniseries. Brooklyn Nets owner Joe Tsai generated 10 times more interest in the NBA in 30 days than Michael Jordan ever did in 30 years. Naturally, an Asian used…

His friends say he should act his age. What’s his age again? — Georgia voters were weary of another month of slander, berating, and door-to-door volunteers convincing them that their candidate is the worse wife beater. Turns out they no longer have to worry. In recent years, the Peach State became addicted to runoffs as India during monsoon seasons. Both candidates of the…

Faith in humanity restored — After acquiring Twitter, Elon Musk vowed to remove hate speech, cyberbullying, misinformation, bots, and fake accounts. Turns out the only way to do so is to burn the social media platform to the ground. Musk tweeted that his company is on track to file for bankruptcy next year. We were…

Take from the rich, give to the poor — If Democrat Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is Robin Hood, then Republican Congressmen are Robbin from the Hood. The millennial’s deity has shockingly pissed off her fans when conservative fake news creator Dinesh D’Souza reported that she supported student loans. We were amused that people take D’Souza’s fake news seriously. …

Become the man you were always meant to be — Masculinity is ruined. We are a nation of soft, weak pussies. What happened to the strong, alpha males that dominated in every aspect of life? Fortunately, you’re in luck. We have the following experts debate each other. Their commentary will help you become the best version of yourself. Nick Adams…